An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. … As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. [Proverbs 27:5-6,17 (NLT)]
When I was asked if I’d ever been hurt by a fellow believer, I had to reply that in my seventy plus years, I’ve been hurt (both intentionally and unintentionally) by all sorts of people, including the most devout of Christians. When asked if any Bible verse helped guide my response to the hurt, Ephesians 4:32 came to mind: “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” I was then asked what I’d learned from my experiences. The first take-away, learned the hard way, was to immediately ask God to put His arm around my shoulder and His hand over my mouth before I said something stupid or nasty. The second was that, as tactless, unkind, petty, and rude that both Christians and non-Christians can be, they also can be right!
It’s been said that the truth hurts and, indeed, it often does. Every now and then, we’re on the receiving end of judgment, criticism, rejection, condemnation, or disdain. While words of correction should always come out of love, sometimes they’re delivered out of anger, jealousy, or spite. Nevertheless, we need to distance ourselves from the circumstances, personalities, and hurt feelings to ask ourselves a simple question. Is there any truth to what was said? No wiser or smarter than the next guy, we’re not always the ones who should be giving critiques, suggestions, or instruction. Sometimes (perhaps more often than not), we’re the ones who should be on the receiving end.
Occasionally, we get so committed to a plan that we fail to see there may be a better way or are so vested in being right that we ignore the possibility of being wrong. As a result, we become so tenacious in our defense that we fail to see the validity of any criticism or so determined to claim victory that we fail to see resolution or compromise. As unpleasant as it may be, we need to stop and prayerfully examine the message. The delivery doesn’t have to be pleasant or welcome for the criticism or comment to be valid.
God doesn’t want us living in error; He wants to turn our weakness into strength, our faults into attributes, our falseness into truth, our confusion into clarity, and our messes into messages. God’s correction is always good but it rarely appears printed on a sweet candy heart. Just because it doesn’t come wrapped in a polite loving package, however, doesn’t necessarily mean it shouldn’t be heeded. Although I would prefer correction from the comforting voice of someone who truly cares for me, some of the best advice I ever received came seasoned with a little spite and rancor. God used a talking donkey to give His message to Balaam and He will use both sensitive and thoughtless believers and unbelievers to send His correction to us. Just because the truth sometimes hurts doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
Although the Apostle Paul seems to have mixed figures of speech by referring to the military with “fought” and “fight,” athletics with “race,” and religion with “faith,” all three references relate to athletics. The word used for fought was agónizomai (the root word for the English word “agonize”) which meant “to contend for a prize” or “struggle.” The word translated as “fight” was agōna, meaning “a gathering, contest, struggle.” Rather than a conflict or dispute, it referred to a gathering to see contests like the ancient games held at Olympia or the games themselves. Paul’s audience would have understood that he meant something grueling and, in their 1st century world, athletic competitions were so fierce and brutal that even the winners usually carried scars.
In 2018, a woman posted a video on Facebook that was shared over 400,000 times in the next six days. It was of a little boy who had a unique way of reciting his ABCs—each letter was followed by a Bible verse that began with it. Rather than “A is for apple,” the youngster started with “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find,” [Matthew 7:7] and finished with “Zion hears and rejoices.” [Psalm 97:8] In spite of the boy’s dark brown hair and East Texas drawl, the woman mistakenly identified him as blond-haired Prince George, third in line to the British throne. Originally posted in October of 2016, the video actually was of four-year-old Tanner Hemness from Tyler, Texas.
When one of his congregation suddenly stopped coming to church, a pastor friend asked him about his absence. The man angrily explained that he’d stopped attending because the pastor hadn’t suitably (and publicly) recognized his large donation to the church’s building fund. My friend assured the miffed man that, had the money been given to the pastor for his personal use, he would have thanked him profusely. But, he added, the money hadn’t been given to him; it was given to God! While the church truly appreciated it (and had acknowledged it in his contribution statement), the issue of both the donation and any recognition or thanks really was between the donor and God. A similar experience was shared by a friend who is in charge of the care ministry for her church. One of her volunteers quit because she felt the church had failed to sufficiently appreciate and publicize her service.
For the most part, being a “stiff-necked people” is a pejorative label, but could there be occasions when that’s exactly what we should be? Are there times we should be intractable, stubborn, and uncompromising—even instances we should disregard the law?
Although the Israelites often have been called the “Chosen People,” God chose a far less complimentary term early in the exodus when He called them “a stiff-necked people.” Having nothing to do with the stiff neck that comes with a long drive, sleeping in an awkward position, or hunching long hours over the computer, “stiff-necked” figuratively means stubborn, inflexibly obstinate, and even contumacious (which means flagrantly disobedient, rebellious or persistently refusing to obey a court order).
