But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! [Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)]
This weekend, along with ghosts and pirates, we’ll probably see people dressed as super-heroes, Spider-Man, Disney princesses, or one of the characters from Toy Story, KPop Demon Hunters, Pokémon, or Star Wars. With the exception of Spidey, I probably won’t know many of the movie characters but, with their deathly white skin, blood red lips, high collared black capes, and fangs, Dracula and his vampire pals will be easy to recognize.
Harder to recognize, however, are emotional vampires. Looking like everyone else, rather than knocking at the door one night a year, they wheedle their way into our lives all year long. Rather than sucking our blood, they seem to suck the life out of us with their self-absorption, selfishness, sense of entitlement, unending drama, defensiveness, lack of boundaries, addictive behavior, and other toxic conduct. Once attacked, while we’re not drained of blood, we’re left emotionally drained, anxious, exasperated, and disheartened.
In the old Dracula movies, the victim had to invite the vampire inside and we must be wary of doing the same thing with emotional vampires. Being Christians (people filled with the fruit of the Spirit), however, makes us excellent targets for these predators. Loving God and loving others as ourselves, however, does not mean we have to allow anyone to inject his or her poison into our lives and “turning the other cheek” doesn’t mean tolerating unhealthy relationships.
When Jesus’ life was taken from Him—it was His choice and He willingly gave it up for us. While we can choose to be martyrs for Jesus, we must never allow someone to turn us into martyrs for them. The cross we are asked to carry is ours alone; emotional vampires, however, want us to carry theirs, as well!
Although emotional vampires don’t recognize boundaries, it’s important for us to know and keep ours. Jesus did that when He refused to settle a legal dispute between a man and his brother. [Luke 12:13-14] Like Jesus, we need to know when a mess isn’t ours to fix, the responsibility isn’t ours to take, the demands on us are unreasonable, and we’re not the ones at fault for someone’s else’s problems. It’s not easy to deny these bloodsuckers but carrying one another’s burdens does not mean taking their blame, getting taken advantage of, or being victimized. Walking in love doesn’t mean getting walked on like a doormat!
There is a fine line between helping someone and enabling them, but we must be willing to draw it! Granted, enabling people often seems easier in the short run but it is never kinder or wiser. Enabling someone simply protects them from the consequences of their actions, reinforces negative behavior, and perpetuates harmful conduct while helping someone leads to their growth, self-reliance, personal responsibility, and healthier relationships. As loving as Jesus was, His exchanges with the scribes and Pharisees tell us He didn’t tolerate or enable bad behavior; neither should we!
We can hand out candy to the vampires knocking on our doors this weekend but, while we can pray for them, we must never hand our lives to the emotional vampires that come knocking. With their demands on our love, attention, and affirmation, emotional vampires hijack our hearts, time, and energy when the only one to whom we are to surrender our lives is Jesus! The Apostle Paul’s words that, “We are each responsible for our own conduct,” [Galatians 6:5] also mean we are not responsible for anyone else’s conduct.
At an elevation of 12,388 feet, the oxygen at the summit of Japan’s Mt. Fuji has two-thirds the density of oxygen at sea level. With an elevation gain of about 5,000 feet, the climb up takes from 5 to 10 hours and the descent down about 3 to 4 hours (not including time taken for much-needed breaks). Covered with snow most of the year, Mt. Fuji’s trails are closed from September 10 to early July because of freezing weather and hazardous conditions. Nevertheless, in April of last year, a 27-year-old university student attempted to climb to its peak. Unfortunately, his adventure ended when he had to be airlifted to a hospital because of altitude sickness.
When I was a girl in elementary school, the teachers would speak ominously of our permanent records. While the warning that Santa knew when we were good or bad only worked during December, a teacher’s threat of, “This is going on your permanent record!” scared us into obedience the entire year! I suspect elementary schoolers in the 1950s were more naïve than today’s youngsters, but my friends and I were convinced that each of us had a permanent record that logged more than test scores, grades, and attendance records. It listed every infraction or disciplinary action from kindergarten on through high school and beyond. Every time we used our outside voices inside, chewed gum in class, forgot the hall pass, passed notes, lost our lunch money, or were sent to the office, our transgression was documented for posterity. Passed from teacher to teacher and school to school, we suspected that permanent record might even follow us into “grown-up” life!
Last Christmas Eve, people stood in long lines at gas stations and convenience stores to make a last-minute purchase, but it wasn’t for a Christmas gift; they wanted a Powerball ticket! Christmas morning, someone woke up to discover they won $1.817 billion and had become a billionaire overnight! By choosing the lump sum payout of $835 million, their status dwindled to multi-millionaire. Once taxes were paid, approximately $550 million remained which, in anybody’s book, still counts as a fortune!
One of my favorite psalms is Psalm 139 but, as I read it this morning, I got annoyed with David. Near the end of this beautiful psalm praising God for His omniscience, omnipresence, and intensely personal involvement in his life, David mentions hating his enemies (something he and other psalmists frequently did in Psalms). David certainly had his share of enemies. Along with the Philistines, Moabites, Geshurites, Girzites, and Amalekites, his enemies included Goliath, King Saul, Absalom (the son who tried to overthrow the kingdom), Ahithophel (the counselor who defected to Absalom), and Adonijah (who tried to wrest the crown from Solomon). Looking at Israel’s history, I understand why David and the other psalmists mentioned enemies so frequently, but I’m not running for my life, fighting a rebellion, or fending off Assyrians and Babylonians, so why do I care about their enemies?
