But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! [Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)]
This weekend, along with ghosts and pirates, we’ll probably see people dressed as super-heroes, Spider-Man, Disney princesses, or one of the characters from Toy Story, KPop Demon Hunters, Pokémon, or Star Wars. With the exception of Spidey, I probably won’t know many of the movie characters but, with their deathly white skin, blood red lips, high collared black capes, and fangs, Dracula and his vampire pals will be easy to recognize.
Harder to recognize, however, are emotional vampires. Looking like everyone else, rather than knocking at the door one night a year, they wheedle their way into our lives all year long. Rather than sucking our blood, they seem to suck the life out of us with their self-absorption, selfishness, sense of entitlement, unending drama, defensiveness, lack of boundaries, addictive behavior, and other toxic conduct. Once attacked, while we’re not drained of blood, we’re left emotionally drained, anxious, exasperated, and disheartened.
In the old Dracula movies, the victim had to invite the vampire inside and we must be wary of doing the same thing with emotional vampires. Being Christians (people filled with the fruit of the Spirit), however, makes us excellent targets for these predators. Loving God and loving others as ourselves, however, does not mean we have to allow anyone to inject his or her poison into our lives and “turning the other cheek” doesn’t mean tolerating unhealthy relationships.
When Jesus’ life was taken from Him—it was His choice and He willingly gave it up for us. While we can choose to be martyrs for Jesus, we must never allow someone to turn us into martyrs for them. The cross we are asked to carry is ours alone; emotional vampires, however, want us to carry theirs, as well!
Although emotional vampires don’t recognize boundaries, it’s important for us to know and keep ours. Jesus did that when He refused to settle a legal dispute between a man and his brother. [Luke 12:13-14] Like Jesus, we need to know when a mess isn’t ours to fix, the responsibility isn’t ours to take, the demands on us are unreasonable, and we’re not the ones at fault for someone’s else’s problems. It’s not easy to deny these bloodsuckers but carrying one another’s burdens does not mean taking their blame, getting taken advantage of, or being victimized. Walking in love doesn’t mean getting walked on like a doormat!
There is a fine line between helping someone and enabling them, but we must be willing to draw it! Granted, enabling people often seems easier in the short run but it is never kinder or wiser. Enabling someone simply protects them from the consequences of their actions, reinforces negative behavior, and perpetuates harmful conduct while helping someone leads to their growth, self-reliance, personal responsibility, and healthier relationships. As loving as Jesus was, His exchanges with the scribes and Pharisees tell us He didn’t tolerate or enable bad behavior; neither should we!
We can hand out candy to the vampires knocking on our doors this weekend but, while we can pray for them, we must never hand our lives to the emotional vampires that come knocking. With their demands on our love, attention, and affirmation, emotional vampires hijack our hearts, time, and energy when the only one to whom we are to surrender our lives is Jesus! The Apostle Paul’s words that, “We are each responsible for our own conduct,” [Galatians 6:5] also mean we are not responsible for anyone else’s conduct.
“He’s so young!” my husband said when my brother died at the age of fifty-six. I reminded him that my dad was the same age when he died. “But he was old!” my husband exclaimed. The difference, of course, is that we were in our fifties when my brother died but only in our twenties when my father did. Now, almost thirty years after my brother’s death, our definition of “young” includes anyone under 85!
Even though pumpkin spice lattes are available, pumpkin kringles can be found at Trader Joes, and Michael’s, Walmart, and Target are displaying their Halloween décor, here in Florida, it’s still summer and rainy season. We’re experiencing temperatures in the 90s and rain nearly every day. Sometimes, it’s a real doozy with thunder, lightning, and a torrential downpour; other times, it’s just a little drizzle. God willing, the weather should improve next month and, by the time we turn our clocks back November 1, the beautiful weather here will remind us why we moved to southwest Florida in the first place.
Although it’s been many years, whenever I read today’s verse about God going both before and after me, I’m reminded of a hiking trip my daughter and I took through the Canadian Rockies. One of our guides led and tied orange ribbons along the trail to mark the way. A second guide (the sweep) followed the last hiker and removed the trail markers. With guides both before us and following us, the group could spread out, find their own pace, and take breaks when needed, while ensuring no one got lost or left behind.
Wearing a stuffed backpack and carrying his Teddy bear, little Tommy walked past his neighbor’s house. A short while later, he walked by her house in the same direction. He disappeared around the corner only to reappear several minutes later. As he was passing her house for the fourth time, the neighbor asked him what he was doing. When Tommy explained he was running away, she asked why he was only circling the block. “Because I’m not allowed to cross the street!”
My summer beach novel began with a man having a heart attack on a commuter train. For the next several pages, I was privy to the thoughts of his fellow passengers who were annoyed by the train’s unscheduled stop for medical aid. Because they’d be delayed, they saw the man’s collapse as a tremendous inconvenience to them. As passengers disembarked to find another way into the city, their thoughts were not of the dying man and his wife but of themselves and how they’d been inconvenienced.
