So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” [2 Corinthians 12:7-9 (ESV)]
But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world… [C.S. Lewis]
During that dark time about which I recently wrote, I was in intense pain and it seemed like God had turned His back on me. When I confided to a friend that God seemed deaf to my pleas, she asked the simple question, “Have you turned it over to the Lord?” I assured her I had but, as the day wore on, I wondered if that were true.
In my prayers for relief, I was telling God the outcome I desired, but that really isn’t “turning it over” to Him. If any human had a direct line to God’s heavenly office, it would have been the Apostle Paul and yet God didn’t relieve him of whatever his thorn was! Instead of demanding the result I wanted, I had to place myself in God’s loving hands as did Paul and pray for God’s grace and the power to accept what He’d placed in my lap.
Each morning, I prayed for grace enough for the day—for the strength, endurance, peace, patience, courage, and joy needed to get through the next twenty-four hours. I asked God to reassure me of His lovingkindness and to protect me from the doubt, fear, and negativity Satan was whispering in my ears. The hardest thing, however, was to hand the outcome of my upcoming surgery into His loving hands. I had to trust in His plan and presence regardless of its outcome. The physical pain remained but, with the power of the Spirit, I dealt with it.
I don’t think God decides our fate with a toss of the dice and, while a quick view of my MRI told me the why of my present physical pain, I asked God to help me understand its purpose. Paul knew his thorn was to keep him from being conceited; what was my pain telling me? In The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis points out how easy it is to ignore God when all is well. “We will not seek it [our happiness] in Him as long as He leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be looked for. While what we call ‘our own life’ remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him.” Admittedly, I’d been in a state of “meh” and become self-sufficient rather than God-dependent and lax in my spiritual disciplines. Like the Apostle Paul, perhaps I’d become too sure of myself; the intense pain reminded me of my need for God!
As C.S. Lewis wisely pointed out, an intellectual understanding of pain is far easier than the fortitude, courage, and patience needed to endure it. It’s far easier to talk the talk than walk the walk! Nevertheless, endure it we must and through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can!
By the time this devotion is published, I will have had the surgery that, God willing, will relieve my pain. While I don’t know what my future holds, I do know who holds it in His loving hands and I trust that He will supply me with all I need to face whatever it may be.
When I first started reading the psalms, I suspected David might have been bi-polar—his highs seemed so high and his lows so very low; now I understand that he was just being truthful. In his psalms, David unabashedly expressed his deepest feelings to God. Pouring out his soul, he openly shared his emotions—whether anger, disappointment, sorrow, regret, shame, joy, love, fear, doubt, or even his desire for vengeance upon his enemies. No matter how troubled he was, David never was afraid to speak from his heart. I’m not sure we are willing to be as vulnerable and straightforward in our prayers as was David.
The next morning, while Jesus and the disciples walked from Bethany to Jerusalem for yet another confrontation with Judea’s religious leaders, the disciples saw the tree Jesus cursed the previous day. The disciples had witnessed Jesus cast out demons and still a storm with a just a word but, when they saw the withered and dead fig tree, they were amazed. Normally, trees die slowly from the top down but this tree instantly withered from the roots up. With dead roots, no amount of water or fertilizer would revive it. Having witnessed the tree go from abundance to ruin with just a word from the Lord, rather than asking Jesus to explain cursing the tree, the disciples focused on the speed with which the fig died.
Mark tells of a time when a hungry Jesus cursed a fig tree and caused it to wither and die simply because it had no figs. As the only destructive miracle done by the Lord, His action is difficult to understand, especially since we’re told “it was too early in the season for fruit.” The same power that brought Lazarus back to life and turned water into wine easily could have given the tree ripe figs, so why did Jesus kill the fruitless tree?
One day, the disciples scolded some parents for bringing their children to Jesus for a blessing. After telling them the Kingdom belonged to those who received it like a child, He called the children to Him. Unlike adults, children accept their humble position and live by faith and trust. Without self-consciousness and knowing they are in complete dependence on the giver, they receive gifts with humility and enthusiasm. Like explorers, children have a sense of wonder on their quest to learn about the world around them. They are filled with excitement and awe at every new thing they experience because life hasn’t become routine, predictable, or run-of-the mill to them.
While putting away our nativity, I looked at the figure of Joseph. For the man who played a pivotal role in the Christmas story, once Christmas is packed away, Mary’s husband rarely gets a second thought until the next December. Neither Mark nor John mention the man who served as step-father to Jesus and the author of Hebrews didn’t even list him in its “Hall of Faith.”
Devotions of the Heart 