BENIGN NEGLECT

Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable? [Proverbs 20:6 (NLT)]

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. [Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)]

What a person desires is unfailing love. [Proverbs 19:22a (NIV)]

Remember that children, marriages and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get. [From “Life’s Little instruction Book,” by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.]

DSC01958webIn July, I wrote about the weeds that had taken over our long-neglected garden. It wasn’t just the garden that suffered in our nine month’s absence; the beautiful antique silver in the china cabinet had tarnished. Although I pass that cabinet several times a day, I’ve ignored the gradually darkening silver for nearly three months. I had good intentions and meant to get out the polish but other activities kept presenting themselves. Now, with less than a week before leaving again, polishing silver hardly seems worth the effort and the task will be postponed until next summer.

While the silver can wait, relationships with friends and family don’t survive that sort of benign neglect as easily. Unfortunately, we all tend to grow complacent in our relationships, especially the long-standing ones, and we stop making the effort necessary for them to flourish and grow. Relationships, like gardens, need to be watered and fertilized and, like silver, need to be taken out, dusted off and polished on occasion.

My silver has neither feelings nor legs so, whether polished or not, it isn’t going anywhere. Stuck in my cabinet, it will still be there next summer, as will my weed-filled garden. People, however, can leave unsatisfactory relationships to find other, more satisfactory, ones. I certainly plead guilty to being inattentive and careless in my relationships. There were so many friends I meant to call, so many people I meant to see, so many things I meant to do for friends and family, but something else always seemed to interfere and my good intentions remained just good intentions.

Do you have any relationships that could be suffering from benign neglect? When was the last time you told your spouse or a dear friend you loved him or her? When was the last time you did an unexpected kindness or joyfully made a sacrifice for a friend or family member? When was the last time you offered a willing ear or lightened a loved one’s load? When last did your actions say, “You are important and I cherish our companionship?” When was the last time you worked on your relationships, watering and feeding them so they’d blossom? When was the last time you looked at your relationships, savored their beauty, and took the effort to make them shine? I’ve got a few calls to make; how about you?

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another’s heart, or its flame burns low. [Henry Ward Beecher]

This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another. … Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. [1 John 3:11,18 (NLT)]

COLLATERAL DAMAGE

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Abijam began to rule over Judah in the eighteenth year of Jeroboam’s reign in Israel. … He committed the same sins as his father before him, and he was not faithful to the Lord his God, as his ancestor David had been. [I Kings 15:1,3 (NLT)]

Nadab son of Jeroboam began to rule over Israel in the second year of King Asa’s reign … But he did what was evil in the Lord’s sight and followed the example of his father, continuing the sins that Jeroboam had led Israel to commit. [I Kings 15:25-26 (NLT)]

“Where are the Flattops, Hahn’s Peak, or the Sleeping Giant?” we wondered. Smoke and haze from the fire-ravaged Pacific Northwest were obscuring the view of our favorite Colorado landmarks. The mountains and crystal clear skies had disappeared because of fires raging some 1,500 miles away. Reduced visibility from the smoke caused air traffic delays in Denver and posed respiratory problems for cyclists racing through the mountains. Satellite images show that smoke from these fires has covered a portion of at least twenty states. On our return east, the haze was still visible as we passed through Iowa.

Fire has a way of causing far-reaching collateral damage and so does sin. The chronology of kings in Israel and Judah are filled with stories of how a father’s sinful example was followed by his son and led the people to sinfully disregard God’s commands. Today, the abusive father is likely to have an abusive son, the adulterous spouse’s divorce hurts the entire extended family, toxic relationships poison everyone near them, and the children of an alcoholic carry emotional baggage that affects their own children. When the bad stuff hits the fan, it tends to spatter all over innocent people. Well, I’m not abusive, adulterous, toxic or alcoholic so I can’t spread sin, pain and sorrow, or can I? A few poorly chosen words, a sharp retort, a tidbit of gossip, a rude gesture, a bit of spitefulness, impatience and rudeness can also have far-reaching effects. That saleslady with whom I was clearly annoyed might well be irritable with her next customers who then will be short-tempered with the people they meet later. By the end of the day, my thoughtless act of rudeness may have created a negative chain reaction that affected dozens of people.

We talk of paying it forward when doing a kindness that will reverberate with more kindnesses. Unfortunately, it works that way with sin and unpleasantness, as well, and, sadly, paying unkindness forward with more of the same is probably far more likely to happen. Any time we fail to live as Jesus did, any time we allow Satan a foothold in our lives, any time we forget to respond with love, whenever we are inconsiderate of other people, that ugliness, just like the fires in the northwest, can spread far and wide.

Father, guide our words and actions so that the love of Jesus is clearly seen and felt by all whose lives we touch today.

The greatest need in the world is the transformation of human nature. We need a new heart that will not have lust and greed and hate in it. We need a heart filled with love and peace and joy, and that is why Jesus came into the world. [Billy Graham]

He looked out across the plain toward Sodom and Gomorrah and watched as columns of smoke rose from the cities like smoke from a furnace. [Genesis 19:28 (NLT)]

This wickedness is like a brushfire. It burns not only briers and thorns but also sets the forests ablaze. Its burning sends up clouds of smoke. [Isaiah 9:18 (NLT)]

DINNER GUESTS

Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place. … to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. [Job 2:11-13 (ESV)]

Tanzania sculptureLabor Day weekend at the cottage was to be our last opportunity to enjoy time at the lake until next summer. Family would be visiting most of the time and the little guys were sure to keep us on the run. Closing the house for the season also meant a lot of chores: the house cleaned, sporting equipment brought up from the lake, deck furniture scrubbed and stowed, windows washed, the pantry emptied, and so on. The last thing either of us wanted was more work.

Before the kids and grands arrived, we had one day to quietly (and leisurely) finish up some tasks. It was also the only day we’d be free to spend any time with our neighbors until our return next June. The husband is suffering from a debilitating form of dementia so time with them is precious. By next summer, the man we’ve come to know and love may no longer even remember us. The easiest thing for us would have been to take them to dinner at a local restaurant but the noise would make it difficult for our hard-of-hearing friend and the crowd would cause him discomfort. While dinner at our house was the obvious solution, neither my husband nor I felt we had the time to spend shopping, prepping, cooking and cleaning up.

The Bible is filled with stories of friendship and people who found time for one another: Ruth and Naomi, Jonathan and David, Elisha and Elijah, Abraham and Lot, and Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Even Job’s three friends spent several days with him sitting at his side. A friend loves at all times, not just when it is convenient, so we knew we had to spend time encouraging and loving on our neighbors. Somewhat reluctantly, we invited them to dinner. Panic briefly set in as we scoured the kitchen to see what provisions we had. Cheese and homemade cookies for the appetizer and dessert were found in the freezer. We had enough tomatoes for a salad and the refrigerator held the ingredients for two easy make-ahead side dishes. A quick trip into town would provide the entrée in the way of an already prepared rotisserie chicken. Typically, our dinner party preparations are more complex, involving lots of prep work, but the Holy Spirit reminded us that friendship has nothing to do with an impeccably set table or a gourmet meal; friendship is breaking bread together in love. Perfection isn’t necessary in friendship; presence, however, is. Friendship is accepting and loving one another in our imperfection. While it’s good to remember friends in our thoughts and prayers, real friendship actually sits beside them whenever possible. Jesus gave his life for his friends and few of us will ever be asked to do as much as that. A little inconvenience now and then is a small price to pay for the blessings of friendship and the opportunity to share Christ’s love.

Father, thank you for the blessing of friends—brothers and sisters connected to one another, not by blood, but by their love for one another. Thank you for gifting us with people with whom we share good times and bad, sorrow and joy, laughter and tears, health and illness. May we never hesitate to be as generous with our time as our friends are with theirs. Guide us to love in the way we hope to be loved and to do for one another in the way we want to have done for us.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. [Proverbs 17:17 (ESV)]

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. [1 Peter 4:8-9 (ESV)]

 

LIST THE BLESSINGS

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things. Wealth and honor come from you alone, for you rule over everything. Power and might are in your hand, and at your discretion people are made great and given strength. O our God, we thank you and praise your glorious name! [1 Chronicles 29:11-13 (NLT)]

deer- does-webAfter returning home from nearly three weeks on the road, we hit the ground running and occupied ourselves with unpacking, laundry, sorting through piles of mail, paying bills, returning calls, watering plants, and restocking the pantry before leaving three days later to go out of town again. Busy with household tasks, editing photos, answering emails, writing devotions and updating the website, and knowing we’d soon be leaving again, I hadn’t even bothered to unpack my book bag. This morning, in a quiet moment, I reached in the bag to read some C.S. Lewis and found my gratitude journal. Sadly, no entries had been made for five days. Was there nothing for which I was grateful? On the contrary, there was plenty. Granted, the journal was buried under a pile of books but that was no excuse. I had simply been too busy and involved in doing things that I’d neglected the most important thing: pausing and being with God. Oh, I’d spent time in prayer every morning but, admittedly, those prayers had been rather rushed and the thanks had been pretty generic. Writing in the gratitude journal, however, makes me pause and truly consider the specific gifts with which God has blessed me each day.

As I reviewed the last several days, there was much for which I’d not offered thanks: over 3,000 miles driven without incident, accident or ticket; the littlest grand started preschool with a smile and another grand is adjusting well to her new school; the flowers survived our absence and neglect; neighbors had taken in the mail we’d forgotten to put on hold; my 98-year old mother-in-law continues to do well; five devotions got written; my shoulder is no longer sore and my foot has finally healed; a friend is recovering well from surgery; another friend is healing from the pain of losing his wife; my children sent pictures of the grands; I got caught up on my paper work; hurricane Erika petered out; my husband cooked one of my favorite meals; and I saw a buck and two does walk through our yard this morning. The list goes on and on. None of it is earth-shattering, none of it is deep, but all of it is worthy of thanks to God. Since He never seems too busy to grant His blessings, why is it so easy to become too busy to thank Him?

Heavenly Father, forgive us when we take your blessings for granted or neglect to acknowledge them. Daily, you bestow upon us gifts of every shape and size. May we always recognize the source of our blessings and never take them for granted or forget to express our gratitude to the Giver of all gifts.

For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, For love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends.
[Ralph Waldo Emerson]

Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation. [Psalm 100:4-5 (NLT)]

INVITATIONS

The Angel said to me, “Write this: ‘Blessed are those invited to the Wedding Supper of the Lamb.’” He added, “These are the true words of God!” [Revelation 19:9 (MSG)]

IMGa_8372webI love seeing those thick envelopes in my mail that signify a special invitation. Usually included with the invitation is a request to RSVP. In spite of providing the invitees with a stamped pre-addressed envelope and a response card that requires only a name and check mark, most hosts spend several frantic days shortly before the event trying to track down the people who rudely haven’t bothered to reply. Worse manners, however, are exhibited by the guests who accept an invitation and then fail to attend. Justifiably, the host becomes annoyed; he probably has to pay for the absentee guests whether present or not. Moreover, those people may well have taken the place of others who might have truly appreciated the invitation.

Jesus was dining at the home of a Pharisee. When a dinner companion commented that it will be a blessing to feast in the Messianic kingdom to come, Jesus responded with a parable about a man who hosted a great banquet. Although the initial invitation to his feast had already been accepted, when the host sent his servants to tell the guests the banquet was prepared and ready to be served, the invitees used flimsy excuses about being too preoccupied with their everyday lives to attend. This was a major breach of etiquette; they’d already accepted, animals had been butchered, food was prepared and now the guests rejected the invitation! To add insult to injury, that all of the guests declined at the last minute implies some collusion among them to insult the host. Angry at their rejection, the master of the house, determined not to have an empty table, sent his servants out to bring in the poor, blind and lame—the people who normally would never be invited to such a feast. When that was done, since there was still room at the large table, the master sent his servants beyond the city gates to summon everyone else to his banquet. The host also vowed that not one of those who had been invited and rejected him would ever be invited again; they would never be allowed to dine at his table!

This story was Jesus’ way of warning the Jews that, since they didn’t accept His invitation of salvation, everyone else who came to him by faith would be welcome at His table. Anyone who chose to reject His offer, however, would never dine in God’s Kingdom. This parable, while specifically aimed at the Pharisees attending the banquet, still has meaning to us over 2,000 years later. Jesus reassures us that, while we are totally unworthy to eat at God’s banquet, He will welcome us. All we have to do is accept his invitation and show up when we’re called. The parable also serves as a warning if we don’t accept. God has given us an invitation and, being a gracious host, He’s prepared a heavenly banquet for us. How will He feel and what will He do if we reject his generous offer? I’m not planning on being a “no-show,” how about you?

“All things are ready,” come to the feast! Come, for the table now is spread;
Ye famishing, ye weary, come, and thou shalt be richly fed.
“All things are ready,” come to the feast! Come, for the door is open wide;
A place of honor is reserved For you at the Master’s side.
“All things are ready,” come to the feast! Come, while He waits to welcome thee;
Delay not while this day is thine,Tomorrow may never be.
“All things are ready,” come to the feast! Leave ev’ry care and worldly strife;
Come, feast upon the love of God, And drink everlasting life.
[“Come to the Feast” by Charles H. Gabriel]

Taken aback, Jesus said, “I’ve yet to come across this kind of simple trust in Israel, the very people who are supposed to know all about God and how he works. This man is the vanguard of many outsiders who will soon be coming from all directions—streaming in from the east, pouring in from the west, sitting down at God’s kingdom banquet alongside Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Then those who grew up ‘in the faith’ but had no faith will find themselves out in the cold, outsiders to grace and wondering what happened.” [Matthew 8:10-12 (MSG)]

NO DO-OVERS

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.” And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.” [Luke 23:42-43 (NLT)]

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Sometimes people say things like, “In my next life, I’ll study harder in school,” or “Next time, I’ll be sure to marry someone wealthy,” or even, “I want to come back as a dog.” Others say they remember past lives they’ve lived. Make no mistake about it: this is our first and only life and there isn’t going to be a next one here on earth. We won’t be returning as different people or animals; there won’t be a second chance. Jesus didn’t tell the repentant criminal hanging on the cross that death afforded him an opportunity to be better as another person in the future. Jesus told him he’d see him in heaven that very day! This is it for us and we better get it right the first time; we die once and face judgment. Indeed, today is the day of our salvation!

Each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment… [Hebrews 9:27 (NLT)]

For God says, “At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you.” Indeed, the “right time” is now. Today is the day of salvation. [2 Corinthians 6:2 (NLT)]