So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” [2 Corinthians 12:7-9 (ESV)]
But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world… [C.S. Lewis]
During that dark time about which I recently wrote, I was in intense pain and it seemed like God had turned His back on me. When I confided to a friend that God seemed deaf to my pleas, she asked the simple question, “Have you turned it over to the Lord?” I assured her I had but, as the day wore on, I wondered if that were true.
In my prayers for relief, I was telling God the outcome I desired, but that really isn’t “turning it over” to Him. If any human had a direct line to God’s heavenly office, it would have been the Apostle Paul and yet God didn’t relieve him of whatever his thorn was! Instead of demanding the result I wanted, I had to place myself in God’s loving hands as did Paul and pray for God’s grace and the power to accept what He’d placed in my lap.
Each morning, I prayed for grace enough for the day—for the strength, endurance, peace, patience, courage, and joy needed to get through the next twenty-four hours. I asked God to reassure me of His lovingkindness and to protect me from the doubt, fear, and negativity Satan was whispering in my ears. The hardest thing, however, was to hand the outcome of my upcoming surgery into His loving hands. I had to trust in His plan and presence regardless of its outcome. The physical pain remained but, with the power of the Spirit, I dealt with it.
I don’t think God decides our fate with a toss of the dice and, while a quick view of my MRI told me the why of my present physical pain, I asked God to help me understand its purpose. Paul knew his thorn was to keep him from being conceited; what was my pain telling me? In The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis points out how easy it is to ignore God when all is well. “We will not seek it [our happiness] in Him as long as He leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be looked for. While what we call ‘our own life’ remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him.” Admittedly, I’d been in a state of “meh” and become self-sufficient rather than God-dependent and lax in my spiritual disciplines. Like the Apostle Paul, perhaps I’d become too sure of myself; the intense pain reminded me of my need for God!
As C.S. Lewis wisely pointed out, an intellectual understanding of pain is far easier than the fortitude, courage, and patience needed to endure it. It’s far easier to talk the talk than walk the walk! Nevertheless, endure it we must and through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can!
By the time this devotion is published, I will have had the surgery that, God willing, will relieve my pain. While I don’t know what my future holds, I do know who holds it in His loving hands and I trust that He will supply me with all I need to face whatever it may be.
Devotions of the Heart 